If you have been around the church very long, you’ve probably heard the scripture Ephesians 6:12-14, which says in part “…and having done all to stand. Stand therefore…” I once heard a pastor say that in the original text there was no period after stand, so it really reads more like “once you’ve done all to stand, keep standing“. That scripture ran through my mind a lot over the 3 months since my last post. And I came to realize that sometimes standing doesn’t look so much like standing. Sometimes, standing is more about getting back up again after you’ve been knocked flat, than it is about never falling down. And here I am today…
So, in my last post (which you can read here if you haven’t already), I talked about facing endings. I knew there were endings coming my way this year – one I knew about, one I suspected, but one was a complete shock…and I didn’t realize they would all happen at once. In February, my divorce was finalized after almost 4 years of separation. In March, my Dad passed away. In April, my Mom passed away. And to be completely honest, I was shattered. There were days I did not think I could get out of bed, yet I still kept going – I’m a single mom. If I don’t make my home function, no one else will. But inside, I was shaken. And here’s some real honesty for you, because that’s what we do around here (no one is ever helped or encouraged through “fake”) – I knew God didn’t do all those things to me; I just couldn’t figure out why it seemed like He looked the other way when they were happening. Coming out on the other side of all this, I realize He was holding on to me when I couldn’t hold on to Him any longer, even when it felt like He had let go. But in the middle of it all, I was not standing. I was in a heap on the floor (figuratively speaking). And, like we are usually taught as “good Christians”, I hid it all…pretending that everything was ok. Until my Mom died and I just couldn’t anymore. (Who said that when you are a Christian you never go through hard times in life? …or that you should pretend like you don’t?! … but that’s a whole ‘nother post!) I finally told my best friend how I was feeling. And you know what she did? She stood for me knowing that I couldn’t. She covered me in prayer and encouragement and support. She mowed my yard. She dropped everything to come stay with me at my parent’s house in another city so I wouldn’t have to be alone during the days before/during my Mom’s funeral. She took me to a movie so I could get away from all the sadness for a couple of hours. No judgment. No trite Christian sayings. Just real. If you have ever been through a tragedy (and most of us will at some point in our lives), you know that it’s ugly, it’s raw, it’s devastating. And what you need at that moment is not someone saying “God never gives you more than you can handle” (which, by the way, is a verse about temptation, not hardship I Corinthians 10:12-13); you need someone to say “I’ll stand for you in the face of this tragedy until you are able to get back up.”
Now, I don’t want this to be a depressing, “woe is me” kind of post. It’s really not. My intention is to encourage you that if you are facing tragedy in your own life, reach out to someone you know will cover you in prayer and stand up for you when you can’t. If you know someone who is going through hard times, reach out to them. Pray over them. Offer to help. One thing I learned is that I couldn’t even think of ways people could help me. I needed them to just say “let me take this off your plate and do it for you”. Another good friend of mine was praying for me and decided to set up meals for my family. We had literally been eating cereal most of the time for about 6 weeks because I didn’t have time to go to the grocery and didn’t feel like cooking what food we did have. She had no way of knowing that, but God did. She worked with another friend and set up meals for us for 2 weeks. We have probably never eaten so much! She knew my natural inclination was to say no (I much prefer being on the giving end rather than the receiving end) so she made all the arrangements in a way that I couldn’t refuse. 🙂 I had many times where I was overwhelmed by the love shown in those meals.
There are still hard days as I adjust to living this life without my parents. But I am so thankful for a God Who held on to me when I just didn’t have the strength to hold on to Him, and for friends who physically and spiritually covered me and stood for me when I couldn’t stand for myself. I am praying for you today that if you are facing tragedy in your life, you have people who step up and stand for you when you can’t. I can’t tell you how long this hard season will last. Everyone’s journey is different. But I can tell you that, even when you don’t feel Him, God is right there holding on to you. You will be able to look back someday and see it. If you know someone who is in the middle of hardship, be the one who stands for her, cover her in prayer, offer to help in whatever ways you can (meals, babysitting, girl’s night so she can have a break from the “hard”). And for you, yes, you – the one who feels discouraged and disappointed in yourself because you just can’t stand any longer – Remember…
